I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
