It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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