fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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