things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
