I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
