Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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