the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
