Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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