he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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