Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
