You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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