Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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