ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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