so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
