Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
