Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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