Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
