Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
