jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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