The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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