so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
