You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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