Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
