well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
