It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
