i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Someone shattered a urinal.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
