he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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