Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
