my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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