I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
