i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
