Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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