Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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