I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
