I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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