Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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