Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
