I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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