So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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