Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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