This girl is more easily done than said...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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