You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
