You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
