were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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