I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
