she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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