You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
