Already got asked if we're dating
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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