She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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