Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
