Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
