we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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